everything has changed. everything, save the most important things at my core, for those things will forever remain untouched no matter how many years or cities or lovers or opportunities have come and gone. and many have come and gone. i walked away from everything i knew, and here i am.
all i know for sure is that i'm surprisingly content and excellent in my life right now, despite it all. by no one's fault/choices but my own, i recently emancipated myself from my job, a four year relationship, a home and life in southern california, and everything that i'd grown to find comfortable and safe since i was eighteen years old. this should be more terrifying and paralyzing than it is, but it has been one of the easier transitions of my life. it just feels... right.
the autonomy of it all has its overwhelming moments, but don't worry, i'm embracing it just like any good twenty-something would. i'm re-learning myself without the habits and labels and social constructs i've so easily slipped into over the past five years. i'm learning stillness. i'm loving every second. i've got my little (big) white room, where i can sprawl across the bed sideways and stow all my shoes and clothes and trinkets just so. i painted my nails, went to an art gallery, sipped tea with friends. i ran for hours in the rain and mud, booked a trip across the country on a whim, laughed and drank with my friends, flirted mercilessly for no other reason but to remind myself i still could, splurged on expensive makeup and put it all on at once, stretched my spine like i never thought i'd be able to do. i loved my dogs, stopped eating crap food, committed to something far greater than myself, and above all, i felt loved- by my family, by people i love dearly, and even by myself. this is how this year is going to be. this is how my life is going to be.
so here i am, celebrating my superlative life, and i wish to always be doing so.
