eight.

i'm living on all heart these days.

this should be surprising. it is surprising, in fact, it's downright remarkable. you see, i am the queen of living in my head. i can logic myself in or out of any situation, convince myself that my gut and emotions are silly incantations of a society that praises cheap tricks and cliches as beauty and romance. i'm great at outsmarting/outplaying/outwitting even myself. i'm an assassin.

just not today. not lately. i'm all heart, no head. no defenses. and i'm okay with that.

i woke up smiling, i woke up to you. watched the snow fall outside, tiny wisps of it coming in through the cracked window. it couldn't touch the warmth of that moment. nothing could.

how long has it been since i let myself get completely lost in a moment like that? where my brain wasn't racing a million miles per hour? where i wasn't planning my next move like a cheap game of chess and my words were pre-formed before they passed my lips?

when you asked me if my biggest fear this week was once i'd left you'd disappear, i couldn't answer. this was not my biggest fear. my biggest fear was that my brain would kick back in and i'd walk away from you, not the other way around. i'd not being naive about where we are or who we are or where we're going. i just know that for one moment like that, where my heart is drunk on bliss, no matter what happens, it will all have been worth it.